Where is the female Chaucer?

An excerpt that I really loved from 'Fear of Flying' by Erica Jong-

Technically, my soulmate.

I was on a Girlfriend Date the other day- we were going to lunch, coffee and then a movie. And it was a super fun day! We talked about exes, current crushes, bitchy bosses, 50 shades of Grey and how that'll maybe make men better in bed (I read a statistic that after reading the book, women wanted to go at it 50% more with their men and the men were now feeling the pressure- go, Christian Grey!), places we'd like to vacation, and all of that girly kind of thing. Jokes were shared, gossip was gleaned, secrets were whispered and in the middle of it all, VB and I were making love to our phones. We were busy instagramming pictures of the chandliers at the quaint place we were having lunch at, or tweeting about how much fun we were having- Hashtag #GirlsDayOut.

SO, at one point, one of the girls, PB, got furious at VB and me, and stalked off (she didn't leave or anything- just walked away in disgust for a tad!). VB and I were trying to figure out what caused that dramatic reaction. Wasn't being on the phone only natural, given the day and age? What's the point of doing something if you aren't putting it there on social for the world to see- wait, that sounded so wrong. 

But seriously, look around. Everyone is on their phones. And sometimes I can agree with P, it's annoying. Like smoking zones used to be the best place for fun, unpressurised conversation. I've made many a great new friends just by hanging out with people in the smoking zone. Smoking zones are areas where people are gathered to do one thing that binds them together- smoke. And in the meanwhile, chat about one thing or the other- whether it's Gangnam style's ridiculous fame or how the auto rickshaw prices just leaped up into the sky. 

Now, though.. everyone who comes to the smoking zone just zones out and zones into their phones. All random conversation has died a tragic death. It's like the phone has replaced a person. Or rather, it's like phone is your new best friend, a second shadow. Something that will give you company, anywhere, any time- all you need is a charged battery (have you seen how near death look on someone's face when their phone's running out of battery?). 

Your bf/gf/spouse may be boring you to tears on a dinner date, your bus may be late, you might not be able to fall asleep, your flight maybe 12 hours too long- but fear not! The Smart Phone is here, in a cape and all. Take your pick- Anything from angry birds to organising your day to throwing sheep at a friend on Facebook. Or if you're me- reading a grand ole book on a tiny screen. Your phone is the best friend you never had, a soul mate like none other. It loves you, chooses you and wants you - it's your Derek Shepherd and Christina Yang, rolled into one. Beat that, byatch!

As is obvious above, I have no final word on this- I'm as guilty as the next person who's obsessed with and makes goo-goo eyes at their phones, and I'm also as irritated as the next person who hates how anti-social (how ironic) our phones make us. 

But what can I say- it's my technical soulmate :)

Ruin Me.

You ruin me.

Every time you touch me. Every time you smile at me. Every time you even frown at me, with those brown eyes that are capable of setting my body on fire.

And I ask myself ...why do I do this to myself? I tell myself- never again. I say to myself that there has to be an end to this. 

Then you say my name- a whisper, so simple, as if it's nothing... I watch mutely as I see your mouth making the shape of my name, and slowly, very slowly, it floats toward me, the sound touching my ear, ever so softly- before it explodes. 

And I'm ruined all over again. 

The trouble is I'm never more alive. Every time you ruin me, even my tears sparkle. The heartache makes me touch the moon.

Call me a fool, but I am willing to lose it all to feel that high. Because I can't bear to exist in the absence...in the silence. 

So, go ahead, ruin me again.

Face Me.

Look ahead

Face me

Don't look away.

 I'm the loudest noise,

The strongest voice 

In your head.

I'm dark grey

And the silver flicker

I'm the shiver.

I'm calm

I'm quiver 

I'm your fever.

I'm the oldest

Older than your oldest

Grandfather.

I melt and I roar

I swell and I soar.

Within you

And outside you.

I'm every one of your souls.

I make you empty

And whole.

I am the sea.

Be Strong For Me.

You've gotta go. 

You've got to leave.

Find the world.

Find you.

Find me.

Find us.

Go!

Get out!

But you better be strong for me.

Don't cry,

Don't look back.

We'll be together soon

When it rains, you'll smell me

In the moonlight you will drink me

So you better be strong for me.

Don't think too much,

Don't frown too hard.

Listen.. listen close,

You can hear me think

and I can hear you breathe.

So you better be strong for me.

Don't stay.

Don't ask me to come with you.

You don't need me 

Be brave and look ahead.

Don't cry.

Just be strong.

Not for you,

But for me.

After The Chase.

Boy and Girl meet at a ball (or in today's scenario a club/ coffee shop/ office/ college), boy is mesmerized with Girl. Boy asks Girl to dance. Boy is even more under-the-spell after dancing with Girl. Girl blushes, but, alas, it's 12am, she's gotta go. She secretly wants to stay, because after all, Boy has flattered a thousand butterflies into her tummy. But her fairy godmother told her boys can be treacherous liars, so please to be back by 12am (even fairy godmothers probably had their hearts broken/ flattered into bed, only to find out it's a one night stand). 

So Girl comes back almost in the nick of time, but she cleverly leaves a clue for Boy. Boy goes all around town, state, hell, country, galaxy, starships... climbs grand mountains, picks the lone orange-purple flower off a edge of a cliff, travels to a star, eats rotten cheese, meets Yoda, and asks him what the hell this clue means. After answering 16 of Yoda's wittiest riddles and jumping through varied sizes of rings of fire, Yoda gives him the answer he seeks to go get his woman. 

Boy returns and tells Girl of his grand feats. Girl is thrilled, flattered and convinced that this boy really, truly loves her. He's her The One. Girl's mummy, daddy, chaachi, granduncle and his nephew give their consent and the couple are married, walking away into the sunset... happily ever after.

But what happens after the sun rises again? The chase is over, the girl is won, and home and hearth have been set up. A year or three down the line, peek into that house to hear thunderous fights between Girl and Boy. The story is one you've heard before- Boy is spending too much time on the x-box and at the local bar. Girl is missing all the over the top adoration that was thrown her away in the initial part of the romance and is crying, no, screaming her lungs out about feeling lonely. Boy looks confused and confounded, as if to say, I did go to that star and climbs those mountains for you, yo know- can't I just play God of War with my boys now?

...And on and on they fight every night, until one day, girl packs her bags and walks out on Boy. OR Girl meets other Girls whom this has happened to and has kitty parties with them, where the primary topic of discussion is the fact that all men suck and the most oft repeated sentence is, 'Yes, they're all the same- it's always about the chase".

Recently, I've heard a couple of my girlfriends (some married, some in long term relationships) complaining about this phenomena- The Lull After The Chase. At first, this had me depressed. But then my analytical mind took over- or tried to. Why does this happen? Are women unnecessarily needy? Or do men over promise and under deliver? To begin with- is this whole Chase thing even real? Or is the whole concept of the Chase a figment of everyone's imagination?

Most men I spoke to laughed at me (trying to be obtuse?), and the few brave ones who decided to speak up told me that the Chase was not a myth. It was as real as anything else. And yes, they consider the first few months/ years (duration is apparently dependant on several factors) highly exciting, because they're so caught up in trying to impress the girl and convince her that he's indeed worth it. One even said, 'So, yeah, once the chase is over and I have the girl, why would I want to do anything more? I can't keep bringing her the moon, can I? Besides, I don't know why she doesn't understand that was then and this is now."

So my grand conclusion is... well, I have none. As one of my roomies used to say,  "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them."

Resilience.

Being consumed by a bitterness
That is not me.
They are the beasts of yesterday,
A semblance of the demons that were.

I struggle, I beat, I scream
I cave... and I try to breathe.
I give in, scramble, I swim.
Always up, towards a silver line.

I won't be trampled, no.
Because you,
You cannot tell me who I am.