Friday, March 4, 2011

Light and Love

I've recently gone through the very difficult/hurtful process of losing a friend and it's got me thinking about how fragile relationships really are. And how foolish we are sometimes in, really believing, that they're indestructible. Because the truth is, nothing is indestructible and nothing is inevitable. 

We're all human. We're all very very different...and ironic as it is, we spend all our lives looking for people who are like us; people we can get along with- with the same values, beliefs, etc. Like Anne of Green Gables says, we're all looking for a 'kindred spirit'. 

And when the 'kindred spirit' comes along, we're excited, because in such a big world with its crazies, its funnies, its weirdos and all the strangeness, its amazing that when we can find someone that we can get along with like a house on fire. We're surprised and then grateful for being able to find such a great friend. With time the friendships blossoms in a way that keeps you looking forward to all the new things that it brings with it. It brings almost the same/similar feeling of anticipation that you get when you meet someone you want to have a romantic relationship with-- excitement wise I mean; the excitement, the comfort, the discovery of a whole new person is nothing short of exhilarating.

The thing with friendships (one assumes) is that in many ways it's less fragile and less prone to end in 'break ups' than a romantic relationship is. It's a no strings attached relationship in some ways- You can have other really close/best friends. You don't have to have sex to keep the relationship alive. You can talk about the same things for hours and still not be bored. Hell, you can be having a drink and sitting with each other and not say a word and you're still not bored.  You can have boyfriends/girlfriends- and many come and go, but you stay; your friendships pull you through bad relationships. Your friendships reinforce the hope that there are still good relationships out there. 

But what happens when that friendship ends? When it hurts, when it feels unbelievable and silly and stupid and you just feel betrayed, all at the same time? When sometimes it feels worse than breaks ups with your boyfriend/girlfriend?  The thing with friendships that we sometimes tend to forget is that in many ways it's as fragile as a romantic relationship. It is a relationship with a human being after all- there will be misunderstandings, there will be differences and yes, there is room for break ups/ fallouts.  

I think the best you can do is let go and take the time and memories you've had with your friend and smile at them. Smile at the many ways in which the person changed you and put some of his/her wonderful colour in you. Smile at the fact that you got the chance to see a whole new world- that person's world; even if it was a limited offering (although you might have not known it). Like Julia Roberts/ Elizabeth Gilbert says in Eat Pray Love, 'Miss them when you have to and then send some light and love their way' :)

Because when you invest in a person, you can only gain and add on unknown, beautiful layers to your life. Sure it hurts like hell when its over or lost, but really, isn't it worth it when you had the time of your life?

If not, I'd advice you to just give up and invest in a pet. If you love it and feed it unconditionally it won't leave your side :P