Thursday, July 25, 2013

Ten things I’m terrified of in my 20s.

There are so many lists out there talking about the fabulous 20s, the puzzling 20s, and what have you. So I figured what’s one more. But this one’s about things that terrify me in my 20s about my future life.

1. I’m terrified that I’m losing out on time. Like the 20s are supposed to the best years- the ‘golden period’ if you must- where I’m paving, paving, paving the path for my soon to be illustrious future. And if don’t pave fast enough, I’ll never make that road, and then suddenly I’m 30 and then what will I walk on, omigod, I’ll be totally lost, and Omfg, omfg.

2. I’m terrified I’ll never live that travel dream I’ve dreamt of. People say travel young, travel young. And I’m terrified I’m making and saving all this money in my 20s only (not making that much money, actually) to forget the travel dream I had for later. I’m scared I’ll get caught up with other things like marriage, making money, and career paths.

3. Which brings me to... my career. I’m terrified I’ll never have the balls to do what I really want to do. I’m scared I’ll keep using the 20s to dream, dream, dream, stalling till the 30s, to do the ‘real thing I want to do’, and all that will end up being a sham because ‘logic’ ‘logistics’ or ‘reality’ will set in.

4. I’m scared that as I leave my 20s, I’ll become the person I always scoffed at- the person that always knows everything. That super closed minded person that probably thinks I’m a hippie, but he really, was the loser that lacked imagination. I’m terrified I’ll grow older to become that fool.

5. I’m terrified that post my 20s, I’ll want more, but in the most limited way possible. That my lists will grow longer, but only because they’re growing tighter. ‘I want my man to be a funny, non-smoking, open minded, non chauvinistic, scuba diving banker from an exotic country, who is generous and spoils me rotten, but also respects my independence...’ Or whatever, you know?

6. I’ve already noticed a lack of risk taking between now and when I was 17, so what’s to say I won’t become a paranoid person post my 20s, who’s like, ‘oh I don’t want to cycle through this gorgeous park because you know, I might fall and scrape my knee and it’ll be hurt for a whole week and the scab will be so ugly..’. You get the drift.

7. While I’m aware of the fact that I’m getting older, I’m acutely aware of the fact that my parents are getting older too. It almost seems like the minute I turn thirty, I’ll have to start giving serious thought to how to take care of them and make sure they’re okay. The thing about this is that, I’m not sure I’m ready to ‘take care’ of anyone, much less my beautiful parents, who I’ve constantly relied on for guidance and support. The thought of that role reversing is scary, more so because I’m terrified I might not not be as good at taking care of them as they have done for me.

8. I’m terrified I’ll always be selfish. So, this one is a little different- I’m terrified of something I am right now, that I really want to shed, and I think I may not be able to.

9. On the whole, I’m terrified of my entire identity changing when I’m not paying attention. I know it’s silly (which part of this paranoid list, isn’t?). Some people say we all evolve every 7 years; that if you look back seven years earlier, you’ll realise you were completely different. Still, I’m terrified of my identity changing and not having control over it.

10. Most of all, I’m terrified that the 20s might wear me down. That the disappointment I might face in this decade might make me cynical. Worse, it might cause me to settle, settle for less. And become that person that only lives from car loans to house loans, paying EMIs on everything I own and touch. Living a perfectly staid life, one that no one will remember. Not even me, when I look back at it. One in which I wouldn’t have realised my potential. One in which I’m just sheep.

The thing is though, I’m glad I’m terrified of all these things. Because that means I’ll try my damned hardest to focus on what I’ve dreamt for myself and avoid settling for anything else. I might change my mind, and I might change some of my priorities. But if I manage to retain my love for life and never settle for anything less than what I dreamed of as a child, a time when my dreams where the least diluted, then I think I’m sorted.

Catalogue #talesofacat

Here's picture story for a change. Below is my little Kittle in all his flamboyance, and fame.

We've had him for 5 months now, having rescued him from the streets (bless the power of twitter). He came to us as a Valentine's Day gift and what a little crazy gift he's been.

This is two month old kittle, when he first came to us. Funny story insert- we were told he was female. We named the poor bugger Ella and called him 'elegant' 'lady-like', and 'beautiful'. Two weeks into it, a visit to the vet and we had come back broken-hearted that we had to rename him (I love that name, Ella). He's now Garfunkle aka Garfy, and hopefully the awful memory of the two week gender confusion doesn't haunt him forever.

Garfy's obsession with teabags. I'm pretty sure one day when we're cleaning the nook and corners of the house we'll find Garfy's personal storage of these (ew!).

He's a lap-claiming, roaring like a lion (not), poser cat (more posu photos to follow- he fancies himself a model I'm sure).

It's almost like he's asking to be photogrpahed. He has these photo faces, just ready, pouting even.

We watch shows on my laptop together, my Kittle and I. And he still fits in my palm- he's a chipku one this fella. One of the friendliest fellas I met. 

Sometimes I'm convinced he's a dog- he rolls around like one and begs for food, and is destructive around the house.

Sometimes I wonder if he's human- look at the way he's claimed my favourite beer chair.

And this is how I know he belongs with me :D

Thursday, July 11, 2013

25 Wise Life-Learnings

I recently found read some pretty cool 'Life Learnings' that made me smile, smirk, and sad in equal measures. I found myself nodding and agreeing with most everything, but here are the ones that hit home hard. 

Btw, I found this from a really cool website. Some of the stuff in there is worth the read. Especially if, like me, you're one of those introspective (read over-analy-zy) types!

  1. It is a hundred times more difficult to burn calories than to refrain from consuming them in the first place.
  2. The cheapest and most expensive models are usually both bad deals.
  3. A good nine out of ten bad things I’ve worried about never happened. A good nine out of ten bad things that did happen never occurred to me to worry about.
  4. When you break promises to yourself, you feel terrible. When you make a habit of it, you begin to hate yourself.
  5. You can’t change other people, and it’s rude to try.
  6. If everyone in the TV show you’re watching is good-looking, it’s not worth watching.
  7. Whenever you’re worried about what others will think of you, you’re really just worried about what you’ll think of you.
  8. If you never doubt your beliefs, then you’re wrong a lot.
  9. Nobody has it all figured out.
  10. Whenever you hate something, it hates you back: people, situations and inanimate objects alike.
  11. People embellish everything, as a rule.
  12. Putting something off makes it instantly harder and scarier.
  13. Nobody knows more than a minuscule fraction of what’s going on in the world. It’s just way too big for any one person to know it well.
  14. Everyone you meet is better than you at something.
  15. Knowledge is belief, nothing more.
  16. There are not enough women in positions of power. The world has suffered from this deficit for a long time.
  17. What makes human beings different from animals is that animals can be themselves with ease.
  18. If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.
  19. “Gut feeling” is not just a euphemism. Tension in the abdomen speaks volumes about how you truly feel about something, beyond all arguments and rationales.
  20. It’s easy to make someone’s day just by being uncommonly pleasant to them
  21. Nothing — ever — happens exactly like you pictured it.
  22. It is worth re-trying foods that you didn’t like at first.
  23. Anyone can be calmed in an instant by looking at the ocean or the stars.
  24.  Life is a solo trip, but you’ll have lots of visitors. Some of them are long-term, most aren’t.
And one of my absolute favourites:

25. When you’re sick of your own life, that’s a good time to pick up a book.

Monday, July 8, 2013

When we find each other.

We throw these curve balls at each other
At incredible speed
Daring each other to catch
Or miss on purpose,

Like its a challenge
An impossible dream,
Thrown into reality.

The reality of you and me
The reality of us
The reality that flows like a river into the ocean,

That stops right before it meets
Only to be thrown back in,
Far far back

Into the memories of time
When immemorial people lived
And craved and died

A hundred deaths just like us
When we cried that day
When we cried that we had found each other that day.


Who does Money scream to
When it's passed around like a whore
From hand to hand?

Who does the Sun pray to
When its cup runneth over
And it needs advice?

Who does Smile grumble to
When its cheeks are red and jaws are burning
From a job overdone?

Who does Love complain to
When all it needs
Is someone to hold on to tonight?

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

You and I.

o baby
aren't you tired 
of the games we play,
You and I?

don't call me now
because I don't want to do
that tom and jerry thing,
not with You and I.

we speak in riddles
we don't speak at all
why do we do this,
You and I?

then we say too much
and hide it with too little
two little freaks we are,
You and I.

some days are great
some days so crap
i want to hit someone when i think 
of You and I.

we want to be together
we want to be alone
but confused is all we have,
You and I.

we push each other away
we pull a lot faster
but can we make it work,
You and I?

we don't have a name
and we're both just the same
maybe we're worth talking about,
You and I.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Headcase- potentially.

You know that thing when you can't concentrate, no matter how hard you try or what activity you pick? I've been wondering why that happens. 

I'm sure there are several factors in play, but one of the most significant things I've noticed is a faint tick tick tick at the back of my head. Almost like those annoying carpenters in your head when you have a hangover, but not quite painful. Not physically anyway. 

I think I've finally understand what the noise is. It's like a puzzle is going on in my head and there's a timer that's tick-tick-ticking. The funny thing is, most times I don't know what the puzzle is- could it be Unscramble or Chess or Angry Birds? I can't really tell- it's a hazy picture, as if it's a puzzle within a puzzle. First phase: figure out what kind of a game it is, and Phase Two- Then figure out how to solve it before that tick tick tick becomes a large TONG! and time's up. 

This is a TASK and really, I have no more to say on this subject, except that being this state makes me one of the most unproductive people I know. I'm literally useless during these times. It's like I'm sleep walking through my day/s.

Just wondering if someone else out there feels the same way, or if I'm just a potential headcase.